Musk vs Zuckerberg: the fight that would kill off combat sports for good

I often ponder about how we've lost the true essence of bloodsport over the years because of rules, regulations, and safety measures. Back in Roman times, they had gladiator battles that went until the death. They even had tigers ready to pounce if things went on for too long. There were also death races where generals were stomped to death by horses. Can you imagine how awesome a stag party that would make, with you and 20 of your pals named Tom, all sunburnt, chugging beers and rooting for someone to win while chanting "Sweet Caroline" as someone dies? That would be unforgettable and extraordinary. But that's not the case anymore. These days, we have 'influencer boxing' in climate-controlled arenas where nobody seems to care about the outcome.

Recently, there has been talk about an unlikely match-up between tech moguls Mark Zuckerberg, known for his recklessness with sunscreen, and Elon Musk, the inventor of a tunnel system. Although the idea of these two nerdy billionaires getting into a cage match is entertaining, it's not going to happen due to concerns of safety and potential negative impacts on their stock prices. Moreover, Elon Musk's statements have been a bit of a joke lately without a clear punchline, so when he talks about a cage fight, he might not even know what he means. It seems like Musk spends most of his time online instead of enjoying his vast wealth, and he should think twice before risking a humiliating defeat to Zuckerberg in a combat sport.

Am I keen to witness this event? Hmm, my feelings are mixed. On one hand, it is said that Mark Zuckerberg is extremely skilled in jiu-jitsu and also possesses a creepy, soulless stare that is often found in America's most notorious killers. It would be fascinating to see him defeat Elon Musk, a person I know little about and have only studied reluctantly, in a cage match with his followers watching in terror. Musk would be left with broken fingers and a twisted spine, while Grimes stands on the court with a basketball player. If this were streamed on YouTube, would I watch it? I probably would, depending on the time. Nevertheless, I'm sure I'll see the key moments in GIF form the next day, so staying up late is pointless.

However, I strongly have no interest in witnessing a cage match between Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk, even if Zuckerberg were to gouge out Musk's eyes. This is because I am tired of influential people tarnishing combat sports with unremarkable exhibition matches. In fact, I can't think of a single influencer fight that was actually entertaining. Even Logan Paul only managed to land one punch on a middle-aged Floyd Mayweather Jr., who proceeded to earn several million dollars by sparring with Deji. I will reluctantly admit that I watched the Jake Paul vs. Tommy Fury match, but it was mostly because I was curious about the reaction John Fury would have if his son lost. British OnlyFans models seem to be constantly training for minor three-round bouts with each other and then bragging about them on flashy podcasts that clutter my Instagram Explore page. This may be a self-fulfilling cycle, but it's not a particularly engaging one. Fighting used to be a declaration of strength and power, a way to prove you were a tough-as-nails individual who could take on anyone in the world. Nowadays, it's just another topic for the Sidemen to talk about on their Twitch stream.

I've recently come across the YouTube channel 'Streetbeefs Scrapyard', and I've become fascinated with the violence involved. The Washington-based fighting organization promotes that their fights are "LEGAL", and it takes place in an octagon homemade in someone's backyard. All the fighters are individuals who began training in boxing about eight months ago but have a deep-rooted desire to channel their warrior energy. The matches are not well-structured, mostly comprising panting, grappling, and the sound of trainers on plastic. However, the motive behind these fights comes from an innate desire to prove themselves. It's not for the audience but rather for the fighters, and the authenticity of each fight makes it more thrilling than a staged press conference. When handled with caution, violence can be incredibly riveting. People are not interested in seeing Mark Zuckerberg calmly slamming Elon Musk; it doesn't have the same appeal.